Love is in the Details
Being in the 'business' of trying to outline a whole parenting lifestyle in practical terms, Marc and I find that we spend a lot of time talking out the details of task-division on this website. How to equally share daily chores or equitably divide up who is 'on' with the kids or make sure that both partners are getting the same crack at career time and recreation opportunities. Getting into all these details is important, surely, since ESP falls apart if it isn't lived in the details. But who wants to dwell there when the big picture is so much more substantive?
We do. But sometimes, it makes us seem somewhat...how shall I say it? Superficial. At least if you subscribe to the if-you-love-each-other-then-everything-else-will-work-itself-out philosophy of marriage. Here we are nit-picking about watching your housework equality when we could be talking about more important issues like simple love and respect and cherishing each other. But the reason we persist is because everyone already knows the big stuff - of course we want to love, respect and cherish our mates - but no one is talking about the less-sexy building blocks of an equal marriage with kids. And we're finding that these details take a lot of explaining and examining!
Stepping back from the details, we have to remember the big picture - why we would even attempt to create an equal marriage with the father/mother of our children. The answer is that ESP is, for us, all about love, respect and cherishing each other. We give each other the gift of a balanced life with equal sharing, and we respect each other as true equals.
In the middle, between the details and this big picture, is all the emotional sharing of ESP. After we've communicated the hell out of each other and divided up all those mundane tasks, we are left with emotional intimacy - day in and day out. Are we always 'in love' with each other? Of course not. But we're enjoying the process!